oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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