Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
