yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
