OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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