dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
