Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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