so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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