genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
