Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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