I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
