Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
