i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
