he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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