dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
