I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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