She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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