I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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