I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
