I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
