i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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