he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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