just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
