All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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