His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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