Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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