yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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