I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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