She's JV to your varsity
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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