he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
