was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
