I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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