Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she looked like the before picture.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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