I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
