She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
