my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
