God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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