You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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