True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I understand Curling. That high.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
