On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
