So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
