clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
