It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
