Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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