I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
