I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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