Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
