absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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