If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
