I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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