did you get engaged???
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
