I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
