I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
