she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
