I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
